Woman refuses to give her ex-husband's friend a job referral at her company, after choosing ex-husband's side over hers, goes on to tell HR not to hire him: 'Obviously, he never made it to the interview process'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Jun 30, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

The audacity! 

When a couple separates, it is normal for friends to pick sides. Even though it can feel hurtful at times, it is not always personal. Some loyalties are just bigger than others. However, what is not 'normal' is having your ex-friends blatantly pretend your existence was merely a myth and then come running back years later, asking you for major favors, as if nothing ever happened…

The worst part is, they never actually apologized for their behaviour. 

So, no Tom, time doesn't heal all. Especially when your exes 'bestie', who you haven't spoken to in 3 years, decides to hit you up on LinkedIn asking if you could write them a job referral for your company. The answer is simple: absolutely not. However, this is not just something you want to leave at 'ghost', would it be too far to talk to HR to ensure that they don't even reach the interview stage, or would that be taking it one step too far?

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  • This is the case for this successful ex-wife. After coming to terms with the loss of many of her friends after the separation from her husband, she moved on with her life, remarried and went on to have a well-established career. She owes no one any favors, especially those who left their friendship in order to keep her ex-husband happy. So when one of those so-called ‘old friends’ comes begging at her feet for favors, she has to decide the most appropriate way to deal with it, and some would say she hit the nail on the head. 

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    "So I called HR and told them there is no way I would refer this guy"
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Asked me for a job after making it clear we aren’t friends

    Background: About 10+ years ago, I went through a pretty lengthy divorce, that is a story in itself. And unfortunately with many break-ups our friends "picked a side." We didn't make
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    any ultimatums, at least I didn't, but our friend group was definitely divided. I would say my ex "got" most of them because the majority were his friends when I met him, so that makes
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    sense. This meant I was no longer invited to dinners or plans and the calls and text messages gradually disappeared. Some unfollowed me on socials, but
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    again, I get it and began to move on with my life and made new friends. There were a couple of exceptions, mainly the wives who I stayed friendly with but no where near BFFs. Anyway...
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    One day before finalizing the divorce (one of those one last chances?) I'm at an event that my now ex invited me to. He had even reserved a VIP ticket and
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    experience for me. I'm in the VIP room collecting my credentials and I bump into one of his friends. I said "hi" and he literally. just stared at me and walked
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    around me. Note, this is someone who I took care of their animals when they went out of town, had game nights, etc. Cool, message received.
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    A couple of years pass, I'm re- married and doing pretty good professionally. Out of the blue, I get an email to my work email from that guy. It started with
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    something like “It has been a long time since we've connected, hope all is well!" Then it goes into, "by the way, I just applied for a job at your firm and I put you down as a
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    referral! Hope you put in a good word for me" I just sat there re- reading, thinking WTAF!?! I did the obligatory LinkedIn visit and saw he had been hunting for
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    Cheezburger Image 10523374080
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    awhile. I sat on it for awhile and initially decided not to reply or do anything. But the more I thought about it, I really didn't want to work with guy and was kind of p sed he tried to use my name
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    and title to get an “in.” So I called HR and told them there is no way I would refer this guy. I also told one of the partners in the area he
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    was applying the story and we had a good chuckle about the actual nerve of this guy. Obviously, he never made it to the interview process.
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    despicable-cof n Did you ever reply to him? Did he reach back out to you?
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    Commercial-Dish7684 OP I didn't reply and he tried to connect on LinkedIn. That didn't happen. I did eventually mark his email as "junk" so perhaps his email got flagged in our system?
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    don't think I would have believed the apology. By the time he reached out, I wasn't holding a strong grudge but was more confused and suspicious.
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    Exciting_Grocery_223 "Hello person I pretended didn't exist and proceeded to ghost for three years! I'd love if you could tell your boss how awesome I am for no reason at all, I'm not offering you ANYTHING in return, without even apologizing for my rudeness.
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    Oh, by the way, I'm also not using the words "please" or "thank you", lol, I'd rather not redeem myself by being polite as well. Please tell me when I start, I'm certain my approach is irresistible."
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    Commercial-Dish7684 OP LOLOLOL...I love this!
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    PoppysWorkshop That was quite Petty of you. As it should have been.
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    JayEll1969 Should have replied to him "Sorry, who is this, do I know you?"
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terrible coworkers boss antiwork workplace-stories employee drama Professional At Work work coworkers exes workplace reddit thread ex husband job interview entitled people
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